So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
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Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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