Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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