i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the liver wants what the liver wants
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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