Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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