My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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