I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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