So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
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I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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