my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize