He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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