I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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