wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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