And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize