Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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