I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize