the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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