I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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