I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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