There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize