She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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