The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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