Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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