Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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