GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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