This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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