so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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