life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize