i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
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He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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