yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize