I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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