why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
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A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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