don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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