So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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