You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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