I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
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Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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