no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize