I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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