Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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