Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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