I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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