the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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