Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
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Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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