Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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