I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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