i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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