Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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