dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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