I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize