How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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