stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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