I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize