singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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